There is something sweet about slipping back into a familiar routine and so Monday morning arrives and I great it with an open heart. My exercise update. I have now worked out every day for 60 some days in a row. Granted on the days I'm feeling really tired I just walk, but for the most part, at least five days a week, I really push my workout and am experiencing a constant state of slight soreness in my body. I have lost 13 lbs and hope to lose another 15 lbs this year. I have reached the point where I look forward to my workout, hate skipping it, and feel better after working out. I really hope that I have managed to change my life in this way and break out of my old habits.
Chrissy, my oldest and dearest friend, is flying out to visit in six days. I will count every single day until then and hope that the week speeds by. We only get two days together, but I cherish any time we have. I feel an undercurrent of joy knowing that she will be here soon. After she's been here I always catch myself dreaming that perhaps she and her husband will move here. I know it's an unrealistic dream, but it's a fun one.
Grief. I am still grieving, perhaps this is normal, I don't know. Not everything is tinged with grief anymore, but it is still present. I don't think I grieved much the first year at all. An interesting sense of numbness spread through me. I think I was in shock for most of the first year. I had moments of grief and loss so large I couldn't breathe or function, but then I would allow the numbness to flood me again and I would gasp for breath and continue to survive. Then the numbness wore off and grief was in everything I touched and did. I couldn't stop his name from coming to my lips over and over again as if speaking them out loud, whispering them into the wind would summon him back to me, or ease my pain. Now it is more of a longing that fills the quiet moments. A quiet sorrow that creeps up on me when his memory graces my presence. I am no longer just surviving, I am thriving again, but the grief may be something that never entirely leaves me.
I have started packing up the house again. I packed up our entire house in December, but then the move fell through and I unpacked most everything again. Now we are moving to a house in the beginning of June and I have never been more excited to move! We will have a fenced yard for the boys to play in! We will have a two car garage, two living rooms, a garden, a big willow tree with a tire swing! I can't wait! And so I am packing a few boxes a day, and doing it with a glad heart.
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